Rivertown United Reformed Church

A notice outside Chichester Cathedral advertising lunchtime concerts said: “SANDWICHES MAY BE EATEN.” Someone had scrawled underneath: “SO IF YOU ARE A SANDWICH, DON’T COME.”

Seen scribbled in the dirt of a van which was a murky grey because of the winter weather, and was in need of a good wash, “ALSO AVAILABLE IN WHITE.”

A new Christian wrote to the Inland Revenue, “I can’t sleep at night so I am enclosing £100 I forgot to declare.” P.S. “If I still can’t sleep I will send the rest.”

Signing the register at a wedding the best man had difficulty in making his ball point pen work. “Put your weight on it,” said the vicar. He duly signed – John Smith (ten stone four pounds).